I , as a maker often get confussed about making for fashion , making for art or making for makings sake .
With every day I am getting older these questions hold more weight on me than ever before . Not only do I think about it more , I also react to the question in a curious kind of way....... ‘Why has it taking me so long to do what I want ?’
I always knew that I am not just a maker . A maker of beautiful things, a maker of useful and practical things and a maker with a strong back ground of training . In me lingered the need to create, make funny things, weird things and totallly impractical things . Even so the soul, for a better word was screaming at me to do more of it, I , my ego , did often turn a deaf ear to the call. What was I afraid off? Afraid of being judged by my peers? Afraid to fail and be unloved at by a world who does not understand? Afraid to be ignored and talked about behind my back? .....
I am not afraid to say ,YES for all those reasons and many more I did make many things in life for others rather than myself .
As I reflect on these questions often when I drive long distances my thoughts are never far from the people I meet along the road and wherever I turn . Are they free of fear, free of the need for belonging, acceptances and a wish to be loved?
My hunch is they are not . My hunch is that they are more similar to me than that they are different. My hunch is that they hurt and hide just like I do at times and denying their true self just as I at times struggle to do . I guess we all try to make sense of the confussed state of our mind sometimes which once apone a time I was under the delusion that I was in control of. After years of meditation mine still jumps all over the place like a monkey .
I am lucky to have access to art and the expression through textiles, colour and shape. I make sense of the entangled , confussed emotions at times and make things to see reflected back at me which can be freeing, enlightening or intriguing. I feel the pain for people who have not got the access to art or another form of expression. I relate to the pain of isolation and the devastating consequences such can have .
I have come to see there is no such thing than ‘perfection ‘ . Nothing I know if can be tied up neatly in a bow with a cherry on top . Everything is in a constant flux and therefore passes and changes over and over .
I wish I had known this when I was hurting when I came of age
I wish I knew this when I was crying when I was a young mother
I wish I knew this when tragedies entered my life
I wish I knew all these people who didn’t know it either and had nothing to hold onto to stay in this realm of this life
I know now that all things change, as I know a little more each day and therefore I will NOT stop talking about it and tell whoever I meet and when my voice in my head becomes fearful I shall be reminded of my favorite words...